After more than 20 years of having my precious mother urge me to write a book, I've decided to take a little less intimidating approach to sharing my thoughts.  So here we are...

For those who know me, brevity has never been one of my "spiritual gifts".  Honestly, I just like telling stories.  To clarify, I like telling stories about my amazing family, my devoted friends, and most of all how God has allowed me to even have them in my life.  And while the verbose gene is just itching to start on June 10, 1966, the moment of my birth, I'll spare you as many monotonous details as I possibly can.  We are, however, going to need to fill in some blanks along the way so the story doesn't get completely off track.

I'd like to start with the most amazing story of all, at least the most meaningful to me.

When I was about 14 years old, living in Wynnewood, Oklahoma **insert HeeHaw-ish "Sallllluuuuuttte**, I met and fell completely in love with Jesus.  I had some reservations about the "religion" thing, but I knew that the relationship I began with Him would be with me for the rest of my life.  I have struggled most of my life with the rules and regulations that encompass being a Christian, but the God who created me and saved me and called me has never once left me.  I tried so hard to "do" the right things and "be" the right person.  I always found myself crying out to God to use me, and never once feared where He would send me.  Little did I know that South Mississippi would wind up with me and that God would actually find a way to use the confused and severely under-equipped woman you see today.

Fast forward way too many years, and in June of 2002, I married Paul.  In a series of miraculous events that spanned a whopping 4 months, I ended up leaving my career as a hospice nurse in Oklahoma and found myself the mother of 4 young boys in the balmy south, married to my (now) best friend, and completely at peace with the totally illogical turn of events.  As it turns out, peace is the exact theme of this entire story.  

I love the lyrics of an old hymn, "It Is Well With My Soul", and the words "peace like a river" are right there in the middle of it.  I guess in my mind I saw "peace like a creek" or "peace like a stream".  You know what I mean?  Water that gently trickles along and meanders its way down a predetermined route with little to no care in the world about when or if it will ever arrive at a destination.   But the song says, "peace like a river".  Rivers move quickly!  There are huge rocks and sharp turns in a river.  There are places in a river that look completely still on the surface of the water, while underneath there's a current so swift that a life can be stolen away in an instant.  So what in the world would "peace like a river" possibly mean to someone like me?

In the beginning of our union we were a "blended family".  Or as I called it for many years, we were a family "in the blender".  Paul came to our marriage with 3 amazing young men, I came with one more amazing young man, and eventually we made Sam... yes, another amazing boy!  One husband, five sons, and me.  Starting to look like a river yet?

As most blended families do, we hit some rocky places and some pretty sharp turns.  (To let you know, no one was lost in the making of this family!)  But there are surely some bumps and bruises from the ride we all were on.  Of course the boys are all nearly grown now, but they have my heart in the palm of their hands.  Hopefully they'll be able to look back on the ride with fond memories and we will have shown them that good marriages are really hard work.. and that they are IMPOSSIBLE without God in the center of them.

My Paul is a lawyer.  But before you throw stones or check out of this reading, please know that he's a good guy!  He has served our federal court system as a law clerk for two Federal Judges for the past 22 years.  He loves God.  He loves the law.  Others in his circle of peers joke that "Paul Walters has forgotten more law than most ever learn."  To those of us on this side of the legal arena, that just means he's really a very smart man.  I tell him often that he's the smartest man I know.  

Paul was also saved as a teenager and has lived a life of loving and wanting to serve God.  But rather than speak for him, I'll likely save some of his story for him to share himself.

What I will share is that we struggled for a while in the beginning of our marriage.  Logistically, we were just not doing too well.  We lived for 9 years in the home that Paul and his first family had shared.  My heart was heavy most all of the time and although we worked together to "fix" and "remodel" the house we lived in, it never was my home.  I tried to keep my disappointment hidden, but failed miserably at that.  These were the very biggest rocks that lay at the bottom of that river, the ones that caused the most turmoil under the surface.

I cried out to God to hear me, but He remained silent during that time.  If you know what it feels like to cry out to God and to feel like you're not being heard, you know the loneliness that my heart was carrying.   I didn't abandon my faith, but I can look back now and understand that the testing of my faith was in progress.  "Peace like a river" still alluded me, and all I seemed to be able to focus my time and attention (and my mouth) on were those frazzling rocks!

I suppose that all of us go through those times with the rocks seem too big to cross over.  Rather than trust God to work out all things for my good, (see Romans 8:28 "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."), I just wanted God to do it MY WAY!  Well, thank God, He's God and I'm not!  Amen?  I can't begin to tell you how thankful I am today that God didn't bail me out of my "crisis" and give me what I asked of Him.  I am so thankful today that He had other plans for my life and that the testing of my faith has proven to be the very best thing for me and for my family.

I told you brevity wasn't a gift of mine!  But I will close tonight by saying this... be encouraged!  God is not finished with you.  I don't know where you find yourself in the river right now.  You might be kicked back and enjoying the ride.  You may be hanging on for dear life to a limb that seems to have fallen in front of you.  You may be struggling and doubting that "peace like a river" even exists.  But I'm telling you, hold on!  Don't give up.  Our God... the Creator of the Universe... is an absolute master of details.  He knows every single cell in your body, every hair on your head.  He knows in infinite detail the plan that He has set out for you.  And there's no one... no family member, no friend, no husband, no wife, no child, no counselor, no advisor... NO ONE that wants to see you live out that plan more than the One who made it!  He is on YOUR side and He promised not to leave you.

Here's the encouraging word for today... Philippians 1:6 "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."

(There's so much more to our story... but I'm hoping you'll come back and hear the rest of it.)

g'night y'all... and God bless.